If I should falter
by elanwy
Summary: [Mai Otome] Natsuki, Shizuru, imagined fallout.


_Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue._

_Note: Mai-Otome is frustrating. I watched episode 22, then decided that I want more ShizNat, happy or sad. My inner muses decided to put on a show of their own, and so I, their scribe, tried to record. It's not a very good story, and the characterization is very shaky, but please feedback anyway. Please? And yes, I know this fanfic will be AU once the show moves on. Sunrise! _

Also, I took the suggestion of xSojix (in the reviews) and changed one pretty important sentence. Thank you, xSojix! The second round of thanks goes out to Satou Sei at Livejournal for helping me correct the Nao-speak. I hope it's marginally better now.

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**"If I should falter"**

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Two days after the liberation of Garderobe, Natsuki still hasn't been near Shizuru long enough to try to speak to her. She has heard the rumours but puts no faith in them. She is, therefore, understandably relieved when she sees Shizuru in the school courtyard, a small figure recognizable in the distance. She walks towards her, wearing a slight, tight smile striving not to appear too glad.

Almost as if to underscore the fact that Natsuki hadn't seen her, someone steps into her field of vision, in front of Shizuru.

"Tomoe?"

Although the student received pardon some time ago, Natsuki finds her presence disturbing. She lengthens her stride. When she is just near enough to see the flicker of emotion passing over Shizuru's face, Tomoe turns, slips an arm around Shizuru's waist, and leans in for a kiss. Shizuru appears surprised but mostly, more importantly, doesn't move away.

Natsuki stops dead in her tracks. She blinks rapidly, completely taken aback. Tomoe's face is still attached to Shizuru's.

"Shi-zu-ru," Natsuki whispers, fixating on the things she heard and didn't believe.

"Oh! I apologize." A smile curves Tomoe's lips into a smug bow. "Principal," she says with only the slightest trace of politeness.

Natsuki isn't even looking at her. Much. She's too preoccupied with wondering why the usual, dignified Shizuru is not there. Natsuki half-expected her to smile, to speak her name, but the Shizuru who is there turns her head away slightly and doesn't look at her. Is that...guilt? Natsuki continues staring, stupefied.

Tomoe frowns. "What is it, Principal?"

"You... you two..."

"Natsuki." Her voice is soft, but Natsuki's gaze snaps from Tomoe to Shizuru immediately. She waits. Shizuru looks back at last, her expression composed. "Welcome back. Natsuki."

Natsuki's eyes flare with surprise. "Ye-Yes," she says. Then she turns on her heel and stalks off, thinking she can still feel their eyes on her.

--

Back in her office, Natsuki works the rest of the afternoon away. Or was supposed to; she's gotten nowhere. Her head propped on her joined fists, she stares ahead of her unseeingly.

"Principal," a voice drawls.

"Nao," she flings back by way of reply.

"What can have gotten into our Principal's head, then? I've never seen you this worried before." Crossing her arms, Nao adds, "It's weird."

"I'm all right," Natsuki says after a pause.

"Huh..." Nao says, disbelieving. "Who did you meet? Someone from Artai? No, it can't be. They should all be gone."

"Nothing's wrong. By the way, what did you come in here for?"

"To hand those documents to you."

Natsuki notes the pile on her desk. "And?"

"I see Shizuru hasn't been coming in here lately. Had a tiff, eh."

Natsuki's voice rises perceptibly. "What did you say?"

"I wouldn't meddle in someone else's business."

"Yes that's true."

Natsuki gives it a few minutes -- her pen scratches over paper busily, doing up the paperwork that suddenly appeared this morning. In the meantime the girl is smirking. She knows it. Even though Natsuki also knows Nao is just waiting for her to snap, she does it anyhow. "What do you want?" she demands.

Now it is Nao's turn to say "Nothing." She's playing with a pencil, caressing her ear with it. "Shizuru-san... we all know what's going on, there."

The pen skids a bit but maintains its course. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I even heard of that incident when you were still in school. What she did. But don't worry, I'm not going to blackmail you, in case you were wondering. Well then."

Redness floods Natsuki's cheeks. But Nao, who always seems to have perfect timing, has slipped out the door.

--

Natsuki broods for a while. Then she gets out into the corridor. She storms along. She storms down the corridor, up another one, down the first one again. Finally realizing what she is doing, she smacks her face in irritation. About to turn and go back, she hears: "Natsuki?"

Natsuki stops. Freezes. Her head goes up. "Shi--" She spins around, frowning very hard. "There you are! What did you think you were doing, fraternizing with a student!"

There's a trace of sadness in Shizuru's smile. "I am sorry."

"It's not the time to say such things," Natsuki says angrily. Hearing her own words, she looks aside, coughing into her fist. "Ahem. We'll put that aside for the moment. After all you have both sworn your allegiance to Windbloom, right? It is not my place to say what you should and should not do."

"Yes, this has nothing to do with you." Shizuru says.

Natsuki makes an effort to ignore the sadness in her voice, but a shadow falls over her eyes for just one moment. "Right," she mutters. "Well."

"Yes, Principal," Shizuru says in tones so ordinary Natsuki looks up at her again, disoriented. Suddenly, her face crumples, and she charges up to Shizuru, gets right up to her.

"Why did you do such a thing?"

"For you, Natsuki. To keep you safe." Shizuru's answer is flat, brutal. Which leaves Natsuki mentally flailing for balance.

"H-huh?"

"Please forgive me," Shizuru repeats.

That curiously emotionless voice almost gets to Natsuki, but she keeps her fists at her sides. She's beginning to get a crick in her neck. "In that case, I should say thank you," she says with difficulty.

Shizuru's eyes fill so rapidly with tears a drop rolls off her cheek as Natsuki is registering the event. The resultant shock punches Natsuki so hard she nearly chokes. "It...it was hard for you," she realizes out of the blue, taking a step back. "Sleeping with her. Pretending."

But Shizuru doesn't sob. She just stands there.

"No. I. I didn't think." Natsuki takes another step, backwards.

"Natsuki." Shizuru approaches her slowly, stands against her.

Natsuki has never let anyone else get this close. She does Shizuru, however, she always has, and now, now. Wide-eyed, she finds herself riveted to the spot. Her eyes, however, catch Shizuru's and find such reassurance there that she relaxes despite herself. The old trust and intimacy flows between them, and Natsuki flushes.

"Could that...be jealousy?" The words, whispered smilingly in Natsuki's ear, sends a shiver down her spine. As she fumbles to deny the charge, Shizuru kisses her cheek, lightly, and Natsuki closes her eyes, face blazing red, as those lips find hers for another, very chaste, kiss.

"Don't do such things in public," Natsuki murmurs.

"Anything Natsuki wishes."

As if reminded by those words, Natsuki's shoulders sink, and she shrinks away quite involuntarily. She remains aware of Shizuru looking on, an unreadable expression on her face. Perhaps it is an expression that Natsuki does not want to read.

"I--" Natsuki says, then comes to a halt, unable to say anything, unable to give.

But Shizuru puts a gentle -- oh, infinitely gentle -- finger on her lips, forestalling speech. Smiling faintly, she turns and walks away with measured steps.

---

_Qualifier: And, for the record, I'm not even convinced the thing with Tomoe happened. I'm just assuming it, here. Sorray!_


End file.
